seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
