I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
