What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
