Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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