My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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