If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
