you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
