A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Bring me that man meat
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
