you traded sex for a burrito?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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