My balls are so social today.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
