Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
