I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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