So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize