I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
