Have you finally orgasmed yet?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
