i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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