My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize