She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
