is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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