Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
