Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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