When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
