Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
