Don't you send me to vm
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
