We won't sleep together?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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