He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
