dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize