we have pet lesbian snakes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is it because I queefed?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
