He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
