Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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