I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
