I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
