Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
