Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
