Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
