i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
