Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
