is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
