We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
