Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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