I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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