i just google imaged poop.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
