I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we're making bets on your personal life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize