I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
