I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
