Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
