Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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