sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
