i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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