Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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