I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
