I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
