At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
