i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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