Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
