you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
