therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
