ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
