I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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