Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
