You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
