maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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