I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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