i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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