the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
nutella sex= disaster
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
