I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
