I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
