In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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