So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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