The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
