so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
