I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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