; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
false alarm. still invincible.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
