Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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