You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
