I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
