I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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