bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
