i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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