did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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