What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
