in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
