yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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