i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
