I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
