Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
