If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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