I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am naked and annoyed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
