i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
