at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
