she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize