They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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