kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
